How Are You Doing?

The most common question I get asked, "How are you doing?"  I haven't figured out an adequate response to that question.

Bored of being in my house everyday, all day.  The less I do, the more tired I become.  It's 8:00 p.m., and I'm ready to go to bed with the kids.  I have no energy!  After I shower and get ready for the day, I feel like I need a nap.  Being stuck inside with limited mobility makes me want to run a marathon.

Longing to hold the kids.  Wishing I could take them to the park or have a water balloon fight with them. Wanting to run up the stairs and scold them when I hear them fighting.  Instead, I ignore it. Excellent parenting!

Grateful for babysitters who take care of me and the kids.  Every night the kids ask what the game plan is for the next day.  They want to know who will be entertaining, feeding and playing with them.  Being bounced around from sitter to sitter is a fun adventure for them.  

Still in pain, but it is a lot less.  I'm off the pain meds.  I can slowly walk around without cringing, but laying down causes the most discomfort.  The incision doesn't bother me.  It's where they cut my muscles and rearranged the insides that hurts the most.  Maggie's flips in my stomach don't help either.

I wish my pregnancy and life were normal.  There is a peace that comes from being pregnant with a healthy baby.  When I was pregnant with Kate and Josie, choosing the paint color for the nursery walls or what car seat to buy were my concerns.  Once I found out Davey had spina bifida, every day was filled with worry and grief.  At Maggie's 16 week ultrasound, I was told she was perfectly healthy.  It was healing for me.  For four weeks, I felt normal.  Then at the 20 week ultrasound, the world changed once more.  Now whenever I leave the ultrasound appointments, I feel that familiar cloud of sadness.  It's the way I feel every time I leave Primary Children's Hospital or Shriner's Hospital.  During the drive home from the hospitals, I allow myself to feel sad and cry.  That usually includes a phone call to my mom.  But when I get home, I need to be over my pity party.  When Davey was born, we had countless visits to those hospitals.  I wonder how we will do it again.  I know that there is a grieving process with every casting, surgery, and therapy appointment.  Not looking forward to it.

Matt is chugging along.  The end of the school year is very busy for him.  Plus, his church responsibilities can be a lot at times.  I made a long grocery list for him.  He was going to go out several times this evening, but kept getting interrupted.  After putting the kids to bed, he said, "I'm too tired to go to Wal-Mart".  I totally understand!  We've got milk, cereal, and left overs from meals, so we're set.  Only a couple more weeks, and he'll be out for the summer!!

We had another appt. with our doctor today.  Maggie is doing okay.  The ultrasound tech measured the ventricles, and they had gotten significantly bigger in one week.  Then the doctor came in and got a completely different measurement. It seems to be a soft science.  But they tell us not to worry.  I'll call my Houston docs and get their opinion tomorrow.  I've made it to 28 weeks!

So those are my answers to the most common question.

I'm taking any suggestions for good books, movies and tv shows.  We have Netflix and Hulu.  Can I just say that I think "Good Things Utah" is super dumb and makes me cringe?!  It is not a reflection of everything good in Utah.  I still love "The Price is Right".  No greater game show.  

Holding Davey for the first time. July 7, 2008

Davey's bilateral club feet.

 

The opening on his back before they did the surgery.  

Maggie's back will already be closed up when she is born.

 Kate meeting her little brother.