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How Are You Doing?

The most common question I get asked, "How are you doing?"  I haven't figured out an adequate response to that question.

Bored of being in my house everyday, all day.  The less I do, the more tired I become.  It's 8:00 p.m., and I'm ready to go to bed with the kids.  I have no energy!  After I shower and get ready for the day, I feel like I need a nap.  Being stuck inside with limited mobility makes me want to run a marathon.

Longing to hold the kids.  Wishing I could take them to the park or have a water balloon fight with them. Wanting to run up the stairs and scold them when I hear them fighting.  Instead, I ignore it. Excellent parenting!

Grateful for babysitters who take care of me and the kids.  Every night the kids ask what the game plan is for the next day.  They want to know who will be entertaining, feeding and playing with them.  Being bounced around from sitter to sitter is a fun adventure for them.  

Still in pain, but it is a lot less.  I'm off the pain meds.  I can slowly walk around without cringing, but laying down causes the most discomfort.  The incision doesn't bother me.  It's where they cut my muscles and rearranged the insides that hurts the most.  Maggie's flips in my stomach don't help either.

I wish my pregnancy and life were normal.  There is a peace that comes from being pregnant with a healthy baby.  When I was pregnant with Kate and Josie, choosing the paint color for the nursery walls or what car seat to buy were my concerns.  Once I found out Davey had spina bifida, every day was filled with worry and grief.  At Maggie's 16 week ultrasound, I was told she was perfectly healthy.  It was healing for me.  For four weeks, I felt normal.  Then at the 20 week ultrasound, the world changed once more.  Now whenever I leave the ultrasound appointments, I feel that familiar cloud of sadness.  It's the way I feel every time I leave Primary Children's Hospital or Shriner's Hospital.  During the drive home from the hospitals, I allow myself to feel sad and cry.  That usually includes a phone call to my mom.  But when I get home, I need to be over my pity party.  When Davey was born, we had countless visits to those hospitals.  I wonder how we will do it again.  I know that there is a grieving process with every casting, surgery, and therapy appointment.  Not looking forward to it.

Matt is chugging along.  The end of the school year is very busy for him.  Plus, his church responsibilities can be a lot at times.  I made a long grocery list for him.  He was going to go out several times this evening, but kept getting interrupted.  After putting the kids to bed, he said, "I'm too tired to go to Wal-Mart".  I totally understand!  We've got milk, cereal, and left overs from meals, so we're set.  Only a couple more weeks, and he'll be out for the summer!!

We had another appt. with our doctor today.  Maggie is doing okay.  The ultrasound tech measured the ventricles, and they had gotten significantly bigger in one week.  Then the doctor came in and got a completely different measurement. It seems to be a soft science.  But they tell us not to worry.  I'll call my Houston docs and get their opinion tomorrow.  I've made it to 28 weeks!

So those are my answers to the most common question.


I'm taking any suggestions for good books, movies and tv shows.  We have Netflix and Hulu.  Can I just say that I think "Good Things Utah" is super dumb and makes me cringe?!  It is not a reflection of everything good in Utah.  I still love "The Price is Right".  No greater game show.  

Holding Davey for the first time. July 7, 2008

Davey's bilateral club feet.
 

The opening on his back before they did the surgery.  
Maggie's back will already be closed up when she is born.

 Kate meeting her little brother.



Comments

  1. Precious pictures, mil. I love you so much.

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  2. Oh, Millie! How my heart aches for you! I remember those first few months with Davey. The unknown being the scariest. And to think you're doing it all over again... just in a different way. My, the things many of us take for granted.

    I have no words. Nothing I can say will make it better. Love you so much!

    --Angee :)

    UGH! And can I say that I don't like Good Things Utah either?! And I even got to be on air with two of those ladies... Still don't like the show.

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  3. Jan Karon's The Mitford Series! Easy and sweet!

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  4. Can I shop for you? I am totally serious. Pretend it's internet shopping--send me a list, and I'll deliver.

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  5. The Sister' Grimm series is BRILLIANT!!!I just finished the last book, they are fast east fun reads and they will make you laugh.

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  6. Millie,

    I am praying for you guys. You are such an example to me of faith and enduring to the end. You and Matt are wonderful parents. I still remember meeting you for the first time after Rob's accident. You made me feel so comfortable and welcome. I love you!

    Kerri

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  7. Its so weird how our situations are so different, yet reading your words, I am amazed at how many of your thoughts I have had along the way through my journey. We are praying for your family, especially you! I know how hard it is to be a bed ridden mom. It was a roller coaster of emotions for me! I think sometimes the hardest part is knowing its going to get easier eventually, but at the same time it will never go away, well in this life anyway!I try to remind myself to just take one step at a time...not to mention, I CAN DO HARD THINGS! When I think of strong, amazing people...you are on that list! Good luck Millie and please let me know if there is anyway I can help.

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  8. Do you have VHS? I have a great Pride and Prejudice series that I could lend you?
    -Kimberly Hanna

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  9. I think there are some days we all wish we had to be bed ridden. However, it's a twisted joke to actually be bed ridden for weeks on end! You are handling everything so gracefully. I am in awe by your ability to handle the trial that has been set before you. Each time I peek in for a visit you look beautiful and much more put together than I do. Josie came to our house yesterday and said, "Man, your house is a mess! Ours is really clean right now." It made me laugh... and it also made me clean my house. ;) I'm praying this time will go quickly and that your heart and mind will be at peace. In the mean time, I'll bring some movies over. ;)

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  10. These is My Words is my all time favorite book. I'm glad you are doing well. You are an inspiration to us all.

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  11. Our hearts go out to you two. Those are great pics. Thanks for posting and sharing.

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  12. Movies:
    The Help,Mona Lisa Smile, Overboard, The Main Event, 8 Below,
    Pillow Talk, Please Don't Eat the Daisies and Send Me No Flowers (all with Doris Day)

    Book: Walking on Water: S. Michael Wilcox. Has been life changing for me.

    I sat with you in Church in friendswood. Laura

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  13. I don't know if you remember me all that well, but I have quietly been keeping up with you these last few years (thanks FaceBook). I just wanted you to know that your story is inspiring and moving and beautiful. You are a daughter of God who has been blessed with the most incredible struggles, and with it have shown the rest of us how to become strengthened and better because of trials. I'm sure you want to give in to the sadness at times, but you are the epitome of those key words in the scriptures like: steadfast,long suffering, striving, enduring, and charity. You're living the faith and the Lord is surely blessing you for it! Thanks for the message of strength you have given to me. I look forward to seeing and reading more...

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  14. I am in your parents ward. I have never met you but I have been following your story. My first was born with lots of medical needs etc. I totally relate to your ultra sound experience. I tried to explain to people how hard every ultra sound was with my second. As for books to read, go for some on about an 8th grade level so you don't have to think, yet you can enjoy the story. I love anything by Loisa May Alcott, Laura Ingalls. Happy resting to you and your family!

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  15. Dear, pictures with sweet yet anxious memories. I am so anxious to meet our Maggie. Thank you for calling me after those doc visits and therapies. Thanks to your precious friends...those in Utah and those who have come to care for you through your Texas roots. We cherish each of you and continue to give thanks for your willing hands and hearts. Hope Matt can get a nap someday.

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