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Journal Entry...One Year Ago

One year ago we found out Maggie had spina bifida.  It's been a fantastic journey.  I love glancing over my shoulder and looking at my cute chunker in her swing.  I'm gushing with love!

Matt's not a big journal writer, but I'm glad he wrote on occasion last year.  This is one of his entrys.  I am putting it on our blog today because I've really learned and been strengthened by other families who have shared their experience.  Also, if by some chance a mother clicks on our blog and is trying to make the decision whether or not to abort her child with spina bifida, I hope she'll choose to let the baby grow and become a child of destiny.  Oh ya, and if you read this, please don't write comments about our family being awesome or anything like that.  That sounds conceited!  But your niceties make my face all red and mom always said I didn't look good in red  So, no comments except on the weather.

March 22, 2012
Millie and I went to the doctor today excited for our second ultrasound.  Millie went alone to the last ultrasound and they ruled out spina bifida and told us we were having a girl.  During our ultrasound today, we felt happy and free from care as the ultrasound tech went through the necessary measurements and visual landmarks.  We told her about our experience with Davey’s ultrasound and how difficult it was to find out there were concerns with the images (lemon sign in the head, the chiari malformation, and club feet).  Anyway, as we talked (and perhaps I’m only remembering this in retrospect) the ultrasound gal became more and more quiet.  She no longer pointed out various parts on the ultrasound but quickly got the necessary images and then stopped to face us.  I’m sure she must have felt awful and was trying to find the words to tell us.  Millie saved her the trouble by saying something like “there’s something wrong isn’t there” or “you found something didn’t you.”  She just nodded and Millie began to cry.  The tech got up and put her arms around Millie saying, “I just want to give you a hug.”  They both cried.  I’m grateful to her for her kindness and honesty.

We waited for what seemed like an eternity for the doctor to come talk to us.  During that time, Millie called her sister.  In Millie's family, such a phone call spreads like wild fire and the united forces of prayer were with us in minutes.  Our regular doctor was gone, so his partner, Dr. David Young finally came in the room.  He confirmed that our little girl had spina bifida characteristics. The images were not perfectly clear, but she had the distinct lemon sign in her head and they could see the lesion on her spine as well.  She did not appear to have club feet, however, which we were grateful to hear.  Dr. Young was kind as he attempted to console us as Millie continued to cry.  We had driven separate cars to the appointment because I came from work.  I was sorry that Millie had to drive home alone.  She called mom (Rindy) who was in Arizona caring for Grannie Annie.  Mom just cried and sought comfort from Uncle Todd.  We didn’t find out till later that Uncle Todd hurriedly booked mom a flight and she was in Utah by 10 p.m.  It's a blessing to have her here tonight.

When we got home we composed ourselves and gathered the kids around.  Davey and Josie had been collected from the bus by our dear neighbor, Hilary.  I had called her from the doctor’s office and explained what was happening.  She (along with so many other neighbors and friends) was an angel in our lives today.  We told the kids that their new baby sister had spina bifida just like Davey.  We were upbeat and talked about how exciting that was in so many ways.  Josie just started to scream with joy.  “Did you hear that Davey????”  “You’re going to have a friend!!!!”  She then gestured to her and Kate and then to Davey and Millie's tummy saying “Two and two, two and two.”  It was a sweet expression of love and joy that lifted my spirits.  When I tearfully recounted the experience to my mom and dad later that day, mom said, “Josie’s right.  There were two spirits and now Davey is getting his sister.”  Whatever happened in the pre-existence, I’m so excited to have this sweet girl come into our lives.  I'm thankful for faith and strength of my mom and dad and Mill's parents.  I remember the feelings we had waiting for Davey's birth and just wanting to have him here.  I feel that already with this sweet girl.  Now we have a big decision to make first.  We need to decide if we’ll pursue the fetal surgery that was still in trial stages when Davey was born. 


  1. I'm not gonna say anything about the Killpacks, but you know the truth. I figured out the reason nothing bad ever happens to me is because I'm not a Rindlisbacher. You could discover all your limbs needed to be amputated this weekend and be like, "It's cool, I'm a Rindlisbacher."

  2. Well then I will stick to the weather and let you know that the weather where I live is almost as beautiful and amazing as you! Miss you!

  3. I. Love. You. Guys. What a great journal piece to have!

  4. Now I'm crying! Thanks a lot! I appreciated the post, and love your family.

  5. Thanks for the cry. How 'bout this snow eh? I'm pretty sure anyone reading this... Child with spina bifida or not, will be inspired.

  6. Tears. Love that Josie girl.

    I won't say anything else, except isn't the sunshine glorious today?!

  7. I know you told us not to write about how your family is "awesome" but WOW Millie to find so much positiveness is really fantastic!


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